You read it in the papers. You watched it on the news. You saw people posting about it on FB. You tweeted or retweeted about it. And you think that it will never happen to you. Well, it did. It happened to me.

31st May 2013. It was already past 9 pm when I decided to go to Giant Batu Caves for an urgent shopping, alone. I put on a pair of jeans, wore a jacket over my t-shirt and cover my hair with a tudung and drove to Giant. The place is less than 5 minutes by car. 

I finished my shopping in less than an hour. I remembered glancing at the time when I was about to leave Giant. It was 10.04 pm and my thought was, alamak.. Maharaja Lawak dah start... So, I hurried to my car which was parked quite a distance away from the entrance. Then it happened.

I was opening the car's door when I saw two males on a motorbike approaching. I was surprised at first seeing them, which then turned into terror when I glimpsed something shiny, which looked like a knife in the hand of one of them. That guy got off the motorbike and came after me. I tried to run but he grabbed my tudung from the back. And I screamed my lungs out, 'Tolong!! Tolong!!" I was holding my purse and my handphone in my left hand. I also held two shopping bags in the same hand. The guy grabbed the plastic bags and tried to snatch it away from my hand. I resisted and hold on while screaming 'Tolong!! Tolong!! Ya Allah!'. I heard the guy said, Lepas kak, lepas... So, I let go. I let go of the two plastic bags. But still holding on to my purse and my handphone. The guy ran to the motorbike and then I supposed he suddenly realized that he only got the plastic bags but not my purse. So, he turned back and started to come after me again. By now, I should have run away la kan. But don't know why. Terror-stricken? Adrenaline? I just stood there, looking at the guy and screamed continuously, Tolong!! Tolong!! Heroic or foolish ntah. But the guy changed his mind and throw the plastic bags on the ground and got on the motorbike and they sped off. 

Then I saw people coming towards me asking me what happened. I told them about the 2 guys, that I was not hurt and that they got away with nothing. I was shaken but I was not crying. Just shaken. I did not stay or considering of lodging a report to whoever in-charge there. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. So, I picked up my shopping bags and drove home. Only when I saw my husband and told him what happened, did I burst into tears. 

I kept reliving the scary moments over and over again in my mind. And playing the what ifs game in my mind. What if the guy used the knife on me? What if I got stabbed? What if he stick the knife on my hand? Etc etc... I also wondered, was it really knife that I saw? I have no idea because it happened too fast and I was too busy screaming and holding on to my things to get a closer look. 

By Allah's mercy, I escaped unhurt and I still got my valuable with me. Except for a pain in my left little finger which developed swelling the following day. Must be due to the tug-of-war between me and the perpetrator. Otherwise, I am fine physically. Alhamdulillah, sangat-sangat bersyukur. But mentally... Was I shaken? Yes. Was I traumatized? Yes, to some extent. Phobia? Hmm.... maybe. But life goes on. I still have to leave the house alone for work and other errands. But I think I will stay away from Giant for a while and leave all the matters related to Giant to hubby. 

Lesson learnt. I  have to be wary of people and the surroundings. Of course, we try to bersangka baik dengan orang but we cannot deny the fact that there are lots of sick, crazy and desperate people out there. I pray for my safety and the safety of my family and friends from these crazy people. And for the two guys who had the bad intention on me the other night, may Allah has mercy on them too and gave them hidayah to change for the good. Amiinnn...

It is a known fact that men can't seem to understand women. Women love to communicate via hints while men tend to be straightforward. When women said they are fine, they may not be fine after all. When women said they are not that hungry, just take them to a restaurant. Bila kata tak kisah, sebenarnya kisah.

I read something about this in Facebook the other day. And I found the same article here. An excerpt of the article:

Begin copy -

Pada masa itu mereka sedang melalui deretan kedai-kedai makan. Terdapat beberapa ungkapan yang tidak terus yang wanita gunakan untuk memberitahu suami yang mereka lapar. Mereka tidak sanggup mengungkapkan perkataan, “Abang saya lapar, berhenti di kedai makan depan itu sekarang”. Mereka akan menggunakan bahasa tidak terus seperti berikut, “Abang tak lapar ke?”. Atau, “Dulu kita pernah makan di kedai depan tu kan, sedap masakannya”. Atau, “Tomyam kedai di depan tu sedapkan Abang”. Dan banyak lagi ungkapan-ungkapan yang kebanyakan lelaki tidak faham. 

Maka suami yang romantik ialah apabila sahaja dia mendengar isyarat ini, dia telah tahu bahawa isterinya sedang lapar dan mahu makan. Tanpa bersoaljawab, dia terus sahaja membelokkan keretanya ke halaman deretan kedai makan dan mencari pakir yang dekat dengan restoren yang dia sebut tadi.

-End copy
Not sure who's the original writer. But yes, I guess there are some truth in it. Maybe I'm guilty of it some times and was not even aware of it. 

Recently, I made a statement to my husband how my S3 battery drains out very fast. And I blamed it on excessive whatsapping with my girlfriends. Well, maybe due to heavy facebooking as well...:) 

Then after a few days he bought me this:

Powerbank! Cool... Now I don't have to worry about the phone dying out on me or having the hassle of bringing the charger along or to find for electric point to stick it in.

And then, on another day, I made a remark that my few-years-old Panasonic Lumix camera mcm dah tak sharp je bila ambik gambar. Alasan la kan... tak pandai ambik gambar salahkan camera. Ha ha... 

Few days after that, he bought me a new camera. Double cool...

Well, in the first place, tak mintak pun beli powerbank or camera baru. Honestly those statements were made without any intention. Biasa la kot, org pompuan, semua benda nak grumble or nak whine. Sometimes words of sympathy pun dah cukup. Bukan mintak beli baru pun. 

But reading the article about how women say things that they don't mean, well... maybe I sent the wrong signal unconsciously. And somehow my husband expertly read those unspoken signals. So, are men really from Mars? Yeah, maybe. But some men may have ventured to Venus and learn something about women. 

Hmm.... lepas ni nak send signals pasal apa pulak eh...? Handbag? Kereta? ;D

1979-1984

Standard 1 until 6. Every year, we were asked, what we want to be when we grow up. The most popular ambitions were doctor, engineer, teacher. I remembered, my top 3 were doctor, teacher and some times police and at other times lecturer. But the occupation which appeared the most in my personal file was to become a doctor. Things look good when I managed to score 5As in Peperiksaan Penilaian Darjah 5.

1985-1987

I was lucky to enrolled in one of the best boarding schools in Malaysia. I still dreamed of becoming a doctor. I sat for my SRP then and scored okay la... Not that excellent though. Not straight As.

1988-1989

Based on the SRP's results, I continued to chase my dream and was put in one of the Science stream classes. I worked hard for the SPM, well, at least I think I did. Results: ok la, not bad, not excellent either.

1990-1992

The dream of becoming a doctor began to realize when I was accepted to join the UKM's matriculation programme. Gedebak gedebuk, after 2 years and after the final exam, it turned out that my results were not good enough to enter the medical programme. Was I frustrated? Was I disappointed? Was I down? Of course. Especially when most of my best friends from the matriculation sailed through and get a place in the medical faculty.

1992-1993

Life goes on. I was placed in Life Sciences Faculty (Fakulti Sains Hayat) in Bangi. The disappointment and the feeling that I was a failure haunted me. It did affect my studies then. I lost interest in most of the courses taught. Just imagine having to learn about botany, zoology, organic chemistry etc etc etc. I am not looking down on those topics, it just that I had no passion for those topics. But Allah Maha Adil dan Maha Bijaksana. When He closes one door, He actually opens another. A group of lecturers were setting up a new faculty with new programmes such as Biomedical Sciences and Optometry. They were enrolling new students and invited applications from interested and eligible students of Life Sciences. Well, cutting the long story short, I applied. And I got a place. Tak dapat medic, dapat biomedic pun was good enough at that time. At least, some of the frustrations were washed away.

1993-1996

Being the first batch of students in the new programme, we enjoyed it very much. There were very few of us. We were very close, like brothers and sisters. We know our lecturers quite well. And we had quality teaching-learning session. However, as I approached the final year (Year 4), the worry about the future began to fill up the mind. Nak kerja apa nanti? To become scientist? To become science officer? Or to become sales executive of laboratory supplies company? Those were amongst the prospect then. I remembered on my graduation day, the person who presented me the scroll, asked me nanti nak jadi apa. My impromptu answer was, nak jadi saintis. Ha ha... No more to become a doctor. That dream shattered in 1992.:)

1996-1997

I tried to look for a job. Every day, tengok iklan dalam surat khabar. Once, I even went to the extent of trying to attend a walk-in interview kat kilang apa ntah and kat mana ntah. Only to find out, there was no walk-in interview on that day. Maybe they have filled up the post or whatever. Penat je pergi. I even applied to become a temporary teacher. Because I have seen my older sister became one when she finished her studies. And nampak mcm best je, tanda2 buku kerja and kertas exam anak2 murid. Well, I was then offered the job but I did not report for duty. Because at that time, I heard from a friend of mine that there's a lecturer who required a research assistant and I thought that will be a better option. So I became a research assistant to Prof Ima, in the Dept of Pharmacology, Medical Faculty, UKM.

1997-2001

Alang-alang dah jadi research assistant and buat research, Prof Ima offered me doing Masters under her supervision. Well, since I have nothing else to do, why not. So I became a student again. And lucky for me, after 1 year plus of doing Masters,  Prof Ima recommended me to upgrade to PhD. So, I converted from a masters candidate to PhD candidate. I got married during this period. I got pregnant with my first child while I was doing my final laboratory analysis. In fact, I was pregnant with my second child when I received the PhD scroll in 2001.  Alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah beri. Looks like I had a smooth ride eh? Not really. I had my ups and downs during these years. Frustrations with the PhD work, financial problem and the stress of being a mother. But those hardships made me stronger. Alhamdulillah.

2000-2001

While I was doing my PhD, the department had a vacancy and I applied for the tutor job. It was a golden opportunity and I would be crazy to let it go. Thus, began my career at the Department of Pharmacology.

2001-present

After I have graduated for my PhD, I became a lecturer and slowly trudging along my career pathway. I have finally fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor, but a different kind of doctor. I am also a scientist and involved in numerous research work. I love my job and I think the failure to get into the medical school was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I was reminded of this song when I wrote this entry:

'Que sera sera,

Whatever will be, will be,

The future's not ours to see,

Que sera sera'

Yes, whatever will be, will be. Kun faya kun... Allah is indeed Maha Bijaksana. He knows best.

One of the good (or bad) things when you are in the FB network, you may got tagged or you may see people who were tagged in numerous advertisements and online business and whatnots. One of them is this protein drink SDII. Looking at the marvelous testimonials plus the convincing before and after pictures made me wonder, does this product really works? 

Eventually, to cut the story short, I bought 1 tin. Friends asked me, kau nak slim apa lagi, kan dah slim... Erkks... slim ke?? Well, I still have hidden (not so hidden) fat (yang tegar) that I need to shed. So my journey with SDII begins. RM150 terbang. Tu pun mujur ada kawan yang boleh dapatkan member's price.

First dose of SDII: Two scoops plus 250ml of plain water. Shake...minum sikit... yuckks.... Rasa mcm nak termuntah. I was reminded of the glucose drink when I had to do the glucose tolerance test during my previous pregnancy. But I managed to finished the drink and retain it in the stomach. And subsequent drinks, I thought it would be easier but no... I still cringe and made faces every time I chugged the drink down my throat. Well, holding your breath while drinking helps a little.

After 1 tin, what's the results? Ha ha... Macam tak de perubahan pun. I lost more weight when I did my puasa 6 marathon during Syawal recently. Well, maybe for some people it works but if you are like me, better forget it. Because:

1. I was supposed to drink 3-4 times a day. But I have a very bad compliance issues. Sometimes I only drank once, often only twice a day, rarely 3 times, never 4 times. One tin was supposed to lasts for only 1 week. It took me longer than that.

2. I was supposed to restrict to protein diet and stay away from carbohydrates and sugared drinks. There was many a time I broke this rule. Especially at home. Siapa yang nak abiskan nasi or lauk pauk anak bila anak tak abis makan? Plus I often had lunch/tea/ice-cream with friends. Takkan nak tengok je kawan-kawan tu makan. Harus kena temankan.

3. Finally, of course la, exercise very the malas.

So, conclusion (for me, not for anyone else), cukup la 1 tin. Better do it naturally. But first, lunch date with the Kiahs (Hemy and Mas) in approximately 1 hr time.:P

Hubby and I celebrated our 14th year of marriage today. We rarely exchange gifts during anniversaries. Partly maybe because we just celebrated our birthdays, his in August and mine in September. But we still remember the date and wish each other. 

So this year, I did not plan or buy anything for him. But I was surprised with a very nice practical gift the night before. A blue Samsung. 

Well, not actually a surprise because I have been talking about getting a new phone before that. UKM has this mobile phone policy which enables its staff to buy a new phone every 2 years and it will be such a waste if I don't use it. I was discussing with hubby on the options of smartphones available yesterday and Samsung has a very nice range of smartphones. And I said, we should go to the shop together and to decide later whether I should buy it or not. But I did not expect him to buy the phone there and then. So it was a very nice surprise.

In return, I thought of doing something nice for him. Something to surprise him. So, in the very narrow time frame, I managed to surf the web for online gift delivery service. And I came upon this website. Ordering and delivering is as easy as a click of the mouse.:)

I went out for lunch with hubby and had the data from my Blackberry transferred to the Samsung. While we were waiting for the transfer process, hubby received a call from an unrecognized number. He did not answer. Alasan, nombor tak kenal, malas nak layan. I half-guessed that the call must be from the delivery people. So when the call came again, I answered. It was the delivery guy. So I forced my hubby to speak to the guy. My hubby membebel, 'ntah ada parcel apa ntah. Tinggal je la kat receptionist tu...'  And all those while, I acted like I don't have a clue what it is all about. He he...

So surprise menjadi... This was the gift basket. 

 

It came with a nice anniversary card. 

At the end of the day, I got a new toy, hubby got his surprise, the kids dapat banyak coklat. Siapa yang lebih untung ni??? :-D

At the moment, I'm still occupied with my surprise gift. Still getting used to the functions and swiping and whatnots of the phone. I do miss some features from the BB though. But to be technologically advance, kena la jugak move on. Ha ha... A friend asked yesterday, pakai phone apa pulak sekarang? I said, tukar yang samseng sikit. He he... samseng la sangat... Daripada bebiri ke samseng...:P

Hmm.... maybe I'll write something about BB vs Samsung. Tengok la, if sempat and rajin.

Sebelum masuk tadika, mak dengan ayah merupakan guru yang pertama. Ayah selalu belikan buku cerita. Dan jugak selalu bacakan kartun yang ada dalam NST terutamanya kartun Tarzan. Favret betul time tu. Mak pulak akan ajar hal-hal kemas rumah macam siram pokok, angkat kain kat ampaian walaupun selalu sangat buat-buat lupa atau buat-buat tak dengar. 

Terima kasih mak dan ayah di atas didikan selama ini dan maaf di atas segala kedegilan anakmu ini. Selamat Hari Guru.

Masa tadika, aku sekolah kat tadika yang terletak di atas bukit di dalam kawasan sekolah Methodist Girls School, Raub. Masa tu, pergi sekolah, tak payah pakai uniform. So boleh melaram pakai baju biasa je. Satu hari tu, aku pakai skirt yang agak lawa la jugak.:P Masa nak balik macam biasa tunggu van arwah Pak Ngah kat kantin sekolah. Ada 2 orang cikgu duduk kat kantin tu jugak tapi kat meja lain. Banyak kali cikgu tu panggil aku suruh pegi dekat dia sebab dia kata skirt yang aku pakai tu cantik. Tapi aku tak pergi atas sebab-sebab yang tak boleh dijelaskan di sini. 

Mintak maaf cikgu sebab tak ikut arahan. Selamat Hari Guru.

Masa sekolah rendah, sekolah yang sama jugak, Methodist Girls School, Raub. Tak ingat darjah berapa tapi fobia betul dengan subjek Inggeris. Sebab setiap minggu cikgu akan tanya what did you do last week. Sorang-sorang kena berdiri dan cerita apa aktiviti yang dilakukan pada minggu lepas. Public speaking memang suatu benda yang menakutkan masa tu, lagi pulak in English. So tiap-tiap minggu, stress pikir apa benda nak cerita and nak arrange ayat untuk cerita. Satu minggu tu, kebetulan aku memang ada benda nak cerita sebab minggu sebelum tu aku pergi rumah kawan aku (dia duduk sebelah aku masa kat kelas). So, bila sampai turn aku, aku pun cerita la. Bila cikgu tau aku pegi rumah kawan aku tu, dia terus tanya kawan aku tu rumah dia kat mana etc etc etc. Bengang kawan aku tu, aku yang cerita, dia pulak yang kena tanya. Ha ha... 

Terima kasih cikgu sebab memperkenalkan public speaking di usia yang agak muda. Selamat Hari Guru.

Masa sekolah menengah, dah kena sekolah asrama pulak, nun di selatan tanah air. Biasa la budak duduk asrama, kawalan ketat. Kalau hantar surat, surat kena tapis dengan pengawas baru boleh pos. Surat masuk pulak, warden akan tapis baru dapat surat kat tangan sendiri. Bila dah makin remaja, dah mula berutus surat dengan orang itu orang ini di sekolah sana sekolah sini. Sampai satu ketika, dapat tau yang ada sorang cikgu (juga warden sekolah) dah tahan beberapa surat sebab surat tu daripada budak-budak lelaki yang tidak diperkenankan oleh pihak sekolah. Surat-surat tu termasuk la surat aku dan surat ada kawan sorang ni (dorm-mate aku). Surat punya pasal, kitorang nekad satu malam tu pegi masuk bilik guru dan bukak locker cikgu tu, cari surat tu dan hampir2 kantoi dengan pak guard. Pheww.... tapi mission accomplished. Tak tau la whether cikgu tu perasan ke tak ada 2 keping surat missing daripada collection dia. 

Mintak maaf cikgu kerana menyelongkar locker cikgu. Selamat Hari Guru.

Sebelum masuk matrikulasi, sempat Tingkatan Enam sekejap. Sekolah Menengah Mahmud Raub. Tak ingat berapa hari. Tapi tak sempat belajar apa-apa pun. Kalau tak pergi sekolah pun tak apa. Tapi ayah kata daripada asyik tidur je kat rumah, baik la pergi sekolah. Anyway, tak banyak sangat pengalaman kat sekolah tu, except cikgu kelas masa tu boleh tahan hensem. Mujur la tak lama kat sekolah tu, kalau tak, confirm tak dapat concentrate study.:P 

Terima kasih cikgu di atas pesanan dan nasihat. Selamat Hari Guru.

Masuk matrikulasi, tahun pertama kat Sekolah Muzaffar Syah Melaka. Cikgu yang ajar Biologi masa tu tersangatlah garangnya. Tapi dalam garang-garang dia tu, aku boleh pulak terlelap satu hari tu. 'Azlina!! Tidur??!!' Adoiihh... terkejut + malu + terus segar tak berani nak tidur dah. 

Terima kasih cikgu di atas segala tunjuk ajar. Selamat Hari Guru.

Matrikulasi tahun kedua kat Pusat Matrikulasi Kuala Pilah. Subjek yang paling disukai English & Fizik, English sebab senang nak score, Fizik sebab cikgu dia kelakar yang amat. Ada satu hari tu cikgu Fizik tu tengah mengajar. Tiba-tiba dia kata, eh apa bau sedap ni... betul la sedap la... macam bau roti canai. Alih-alih dengar lori sampah lalu kat tepi kelas. Laa... dia kata, lori sampah... tapi betul la, bau macam roti canai. Gelak besor kitorang satu kelas. 

Terima kasih cikgu sebab menceriakan kelas Fizik walaupun Fizik susah yang amat nak score. Selamat Hari Guru.

Masuk universiti, masa tahun pertama kat Bangi. Selain daripada kursus-kursus wajib, kena ambik jugak kursus-kursus elektif. Salah satu kursus elektif yang aku ambik, Asas Pengurusan Perniagaan. Walaupun memang tak de basic business sebelum tu, dapat la jugak score B-. Tapi sekarang, satu hapah apa pun aku tak ingat apa benda yang aku belajar dulu. 

Terima kasih kepada pensyarah yang mengajar. Selamat Hari Guru.

Then tahun kedua sampai tahun keempat, pindah ke UKM kampus KL. Masa tahun 3, boleh pulak kena chicken pox. Kena pulak minggu depannya exam. Terpaksa la ambik MC and tak dapat hadir exam. Sure tension jugak lecturer masa tu sebab nak kena prepare set soalan yang lain and nak cari masa buat exam untuk aku sorang. Dah jadi lecturer macam sekarang, baru tau macam mana susahnya nak prepare soalan exam. Tu la... masa kecik-kecik tak nak kena chicken pox. Dah besar menyusahkan orang. 

Terima kasih kepada semua pensyarah. Selamat Hari Guru.

Dah abis degree, disebabkan kerja pun susah nak dapat, sambungla buat Masters then PhD. Masa tu jugak la nak kawin, mengandung bagai. Penyelia aku masa tu pun sure risau, boleh abis ke PhD dia ni, dah mengandung la pulak....Alhamdulillah, mission accomplished. 

Terima kasih kepada penyelia yang sekarang dah pun jadi rakan sekerja dan rakan penyelidik. Selamat Hari Guru.

Now dah kerja, masih lagi belajar in terms of pengajaran berkesan, penyelidikan yang beroutput tinggi, penulisan yang berimpak tinggi, pengurusan organisasi yang cemerlang, penyeliaan yang baik dan macam-macam aspek lagi. Selagi belum pejam mata, insyaAllah, masih ada yang akan dipelajari dan masih ada yang menjadi guru kita. 

Terima kasih pada semua yang telah mendidik diri ini. Selamat Hari Guru.

3. When my maternity leave was about to end, I started to stock up on the EBM. But when the baby refused to drink from bottles, susah hati woo... 

One tablet of Prostin was administered intravaginally at 10 am and uterine contractions followed soon after that. I started to have quite strong contractions at noon. From 5-7 minutes apart, they came faster until I barely had a rest in between. The pain jangan cakap la. Almost unbearable (but still managed some FB activities during that time...:P).

The cardiotocograph (CTG) reading during contraction-free period.

The low platelet count was suggestive of dengue. However, virological test further confirmed the diagnosis and I was found to be positive for dengue IgG and IgM. Nyamuk kat area Batu Caves/Gombak memang ganas...

A few weeks ago, my family and I went to Malacca. My sister who resides there held an open house in conjunction with Eid celebration. It took us about 2 hour drive to get there. Less if we did not make a stop along the way.

My kids met their cousins and had fun playing together. However we could not stay for long. We still have few other places to visit. And I knew how badly my kids wanted to stay and continue playing.

Anyhow, every time I went to Malacca, memories of years ago came rushing back. Malacca was declared as Historical City on April 15th 1989. I made my own history in Malacca shortly after that .

After completing SPM in Form Five, I was offered to do matriculation/pre-U in one of the schools in Malacca, namely Sekolah Sains Muzaffar Syah, famously known as Mozac. And there, histories were made.

Pecah kaca pecah gelas,

Well, sort of tak balik modal kalau orang tu tak balas balik kad raya yang kita beli and bagi.

 

 

 

And I was supplied with this. Cool...

To prepare for the op, I went for vocal cord assessment. Thyroidectomy may be very tricky because of the location of the gland and the nerves surrounding it, specifically the recurrent laryngeal nerve. The nerve that innervate the vocal cord and is responsible for voice. The operation can cause damage to the nerve and will lead to hoarseness of voice. And that is a no-no   in my line of work. So the vocal cord assessment was done to ensure that the vocal cord is actually functioning well before the operation. Then, if anything goes wrong after the op, boleh la nak saman ke apa ke...

The assessment is something what a vocal teacher would do in Akademi Fantasia for instance. I need to say Aeeeeeee...... But with one exception, a scope is inserted down my throat and the image of the vocal cords can be seen on a monitor. Despite the local anesthetic spray, the procedure still cause some discomfort. Ughh...

My operation was scheduled the next day. The first case of the day. So I was given midazolam, a sedative, and donned the OT gown quite early in the morning. My husband managed to arrived before I was wheeled to the OR. He had to mind the kids, wake them up, make sure they are dressed for school and send them to school and then rushed to the hospital. I was quite calm during the journey 5 floors down to the OR. The midazolam's effects must have kicked in.

Anyhow, I used to have a thyroid gland. But now, half of it is gone. It is one of the things that we claimed as ours but actually it is only loaned to us. For how long? Not for us to know. Today, it's the thyroid gland. Next? Who knows? Maybe the liver, the kidneys, the limbs or maybe even the ability to breathe. Like all other loans, the things that Allah loaned to us are not without terms and conditions. The question is: have I abide by the T and C? Err.... that's a very difficult question .